Sick Again!

Blaze loves to run up the stairs and have me put her on the bed and lick Noah awake. (Sounds gross to me but he loves it too.)

Poor Noah! That kid just can't get well. Last Friday he woke up with his eye swollen shut from an insect bite. It was red and itchy for a couple of days and he said his vision was blurry. Emil took him into the doctor on Friday and they gave him some amoxicillin. I told him if it wasn't better by Sunday I'd make him  a patch to wear to church but it was pretty much better and I skated out of that. He still wanted the patch but it really wasn't necessary. 

This week the kids had their big End of Grade test from Monday to Wednesday. He went to school fine on Monday but I had to pick him up from school on Tuesday because he wasn't feeling well and after being home for about an hour he threw up and was running a fever. I gave him some motrin and let him sleep in bed with me that night. He was still sick on Wednesday so I took him in and he had a ear infection. He saw the same doctor as on Friday and she said he didn't have one then. How do you get a ear infection while on amoxicillin? So he got a stronger antibiotic and hopefully it'll clear him up for good. I sent him in to school today to make up the test he missed yesterday so hopefully he will do well on it. He seemed to be feeling better when he woke up this morning. I think he's body is just so run down that he can't get better before he catches something again. Thank heaven school's almost over! 

I've been doing good about scheduling less and feeling much better since I stopped taking the anti-inflammatory medicine that was making me sooooo sleepy. The garden is growing well and I've loved being outside working on keeping the weeds out of it. 

The fence is good for protection from Blaze, the cats and wild bunnies. 

Blaze has been trying to dig where my sidewalk meets the landscaping bricks. Both in the front and back but I've been discouraging this as much as possible. I think I'll put a potted plant over the spot even though it will look really dumb there maybe it'll break her of the habit. 

We decided to do a little planter area around the mailboxes since it was a pain to weed wack.

Happy day! I've kept the Japanese Maple that my family gave to me alive so far. This is a real accomplishment for me. It has helped that we've had a good deal of rain too. 

Over all we are doing well. We are getting on with life which is something you just have to do. Sometime next week Kai's school is going to plant a tree in his honor with money the kids donated and they asked that Emil and I come. They also wanted to have a place in the library called Kai's Corner. I have mixed feelings. It's a very sweet sediment but it's a hard thing for me to do. I know I can do it and maintain my emotions but it will be difficult. Hopefully this will be the last thing that we have to do so publicly. 

I think I understand more fully what they mean when they say "time heals all wounds". 

Most of all I think I just need time and there is no speeding it up or slowing it down. You have to wait on time. You have to take it as it comes. I'm trying to learn the patience I need to wait on it. I'm trying to enjoy each moment. Sometimes I master it better than others but I'm trying and as long as I keep trying and laughing I think I'll be fine.

Blaze

She's pretty stinking cute and I don't even like dogs. 

Blaze has been a blessing to all of us. Noah, Kirstin and Emil's response was predictable but it surprises me how much Emil Michael and I like having her around. She keeps trying to make friends with the kitties but since they're 11 years old they do not want to put up with this rowdy puppy. She is nice company during the day when it gets quiet and I can tend to get melancholy. I've been staying busy though. 

Monday I finished up my HSA (like PTA) responsibilities with our final fund raiser. We had sold frozen pizzas and cookie dough. We got the shipment in on Monday and they had to go home the same day. We made about $1100 and only 25 students participated so that was a really good return. I think next year if we have more publicity it will be even more profitable.

Tuesday I stayed home and steam cleaned the living room. (I'm really for wood floors now.) Sometimes it feels like I could clean a different room every day and never get done. I like cleaning for the most part though. I have an immediate sense of accomplishment and I find that rewarding.

Wednesday I went dress shopping with a friend for a dress for a wedding. I found a really cute dress for myself at Dress Barn and paid more than I normally would but love it. Thursday Blaze had to go to the Vet for her shots. She did great and the vet said that she would be around 65 lbs fully grown but that I couldn't hold him to that weight. He also said that we picked a really good puppy to be sleeping through the night without any accidents in her crate. (Yeah Us!) Then I went strawberry picking with Tina and Shelly. 

Friday I tended 2 of our good friends grandchildren while they took their youngest daughter to the temple. Rose was our best ever babysitter from age 12-18. Our whole family loves her and we're so excited she's going to Winnipeg, Canada in July. She will be an awesome missionary. That was a long day but fun.

Saturday we worked at home in the garden, yard and on the car. (If your wondering, it was Emil working on the car.) Noah and I took Blaze for a walk down to the clubhouse and she had a grand time digging in the sand.

 

She really likes to dig. I'm a little distressed about that and worried about all my plants. She loves to push the limit but listens pretty well when I tell her to stop. Noah however doesn't have such luck. She was running amuck in my veggie garden so we had to put up a little fence. It's only to my knees but it's enough to teach her to stay out. It's good to keep the bunnies and cats out too so it's multipurpose.

While we were at the park Noah decided to show Blaze how to go down the slide. She didn't seem to mind but did get a bit turned around. This was going down.

She was so tuckered out when we got home I think she slept the rest of the day. It was a good little walk for such a young pup. 

My new goal for the week is to stay at home more. Everyone has been so great with calling and checking up on me but I need to find some quiet time too. It's hard for me to balance that sometimes. I feel like I'm letting friends down by saying no sometimes but balance is good and I think that is what I need a little more of right now. This morning I'm going to a camp meeting but I'm going to limit my outings to only 2 more this week. I'll report next post. 

Thought for the day......

The happiest, sweetest, tenderest homes are not those where there has been no sorrow,

 but those which have been overshadowed with grief, and where Christ's comfort was accepted. 

The very memory of the sorrow is a gentle benediction that broods over the household, 

like the silence that comes after prayer. 

There is a blessing sent from God in every burden of sorrow.

J.R. Miller

Remarks

Life is eternal and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon, and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.

Rossiter W. Raymond

Since many of our dear family and friends were not able to attend the funeral I wanted to post the talk given by Kai's primary teacher and the message Emil and I had a family friend read for us. 

Brother Bair speaks like he was from the 60's and has a heart of gold. We asked him to talk about Kai.

"This is a real honor to speak to you about Kai. Good Morning. It is a beautiful April day, today. For those of you that don't know me, I would like to introduce myself to you, I am Steven Bair. To Kai, I am Brudder Bair, with a U in Brudder.

  I was Kai's sunday school teacher for about 2 years until last January, I started teaching him when he had just turned 4 and 5 years old and almost when he turned 6. I also had Noah, Kai's brother in my class. And this is where I learned what Kai's name meant, and I confirmed it with Kai's mother last night. In Chinese, Kai can mean the Ocean, or the Sea. And oh, this name is most fitting for Kai. I marvel at the peace that, with out a doubt came to his parents' when they listened to the Spirit and gave their son this perfect name. What a comfort this name gives, Kai. And when I picture the ocean, the sea, in my mind that Kai is named after, the picture of my Kai is calm, at sunrise with birds flying, oh wait, they are paper airplanes flying across the class, no the sea. And he has shown the whole class how to make paper airplanes. That is why there are so many birds flying over the peaceful sea. Do you know what? Yes. I am the one that taught him how to make that type of airplane. He is a real airplane builder.

Just last night I was talking to a young man that is in our primary. In church we sometimes call Sunday School, "Primary". Anyway, He said that he was bored. I have known him to be bored. Huh, so I said, do you think that Kai was ever bored? And we thought. And then we said together, No, I don't think that Kai could ever be bored. Kai was at peace with himself when he rests or was being reverent. But even as the sea, he has a lot of work to do. And as with people being around Kai I have never seen anyone bored. Like when we all go to the beach and hang around the sea, even to the last Primary meeting we had. The Stake Primary Presidency was there. I was hoping that we would get out on time today because the kids were so good today. And then we saw two paper airplanes doing a flyby  across the primary room. Kai had taught another how to make a plane. And you just know a good paper airplane has to fly good. And I chucked to myself as everyone said, "We don't fly paper airplanes in Primary". And I was thinking ooopps. I taught him to do that. Sweet, those birds fly sweet. 

I think Kai taught us, don't get bored, life's too special, go and do something, anything, Sweet. He loves surprises. This is why he loved to get children to hide with him before class. He loves to jump and run. He loves to make sounds and things that make sounds. A recall that comes to mind is, when we met at the school, the bathroom lever you pulled to get water made a rather human guttural sound. You'd hear it and you would go in there and he had all the boys in there showing them how cool the sound was. So I'd tell them something like, "Knock it off, let's go to class now." And I would know that Kai knew how I must not have heard how cool the sound was. So he would pull it just one more time so I could hear it. I found myself saying, "Ya, that's nice Kai, now lets go back to class." Kai is also a sculptor. He would sculpt figures in play dough of the Savior, Heavenly Father, and The Holy Ghost, his family, oh, angels, snakes, monsters, robots, and cars. He went to great lengths to try to stay in his chair. He literally touched everyone around him. Notice I said "touch".  Kai has a peaceful, warm, sweet, soft spirit. He has a deep love for Jesus. He has a deep love for his modder, his fadder, his sister, and his brudders and for his family and friends. And I do too, and we all do too. And I believe that he is skipping around Jesus and around his loved ones right now smiling. May God be with you until we meet again Kai. 

Post Script:

I love in the Western movies when they do a post script.

As we reflect upon all our happy memories that Kai has filled us with, let us now be happy, even each and every day, even as Kai is and let us do a little better every day even as Kai does, and let's love one another and honor our lives even as Kai has. This is what he has taught us. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."

Message from Emil and Kathryn to our friends about Kai

"Words cannot express all the emotions we have felt in the past few days. We've gone through so many emotions - from sorrow to joy, to melancholy, to hope, to appreciation, to reaffirmation of faith. Through it all, our faith in Jesus Christ and His atoning sacrifice have carried us through these times. We love our son Kai with all our hearts, might, mind and strength. When he blessed our lives on this earth in our family, he was the absolute picture of innocence and charity - the true love of Jesus Christ. There were times when he might have been confused or upset, and not able to control his emotions, but we don't remember those times when we return to our fond memories of him. We remember his bright smile; his innocent and tender voice; his strong, but fragile body; and his sweet spirit.

Kai knew sixty one words. He was in kindergarten and every week they would learn two new words. When Kathryn counted his word list there were fifty nine. But Kai knew two that weren't on the list. He could read them and they were etched in his heart. The word "Lord" wasn't on his list but we read the scriptures every night and Kai had come to recognize the word for our Savior - "Lord". He also knew the word "love". He wrote it to Kathryn many times and he felt our Love and we felt his love for us. 

Kai loved so many things. He was fascinated by lady bugs and ants. Anything small and creeping. He loved to picking flowers to give Kathryn. He loved airplanes and playing legos with his big brothers. He loved surprising us. Often he would clean his room and come find Kathryn, telling her he had something to show her. She had to close her eyes and he would lead her by the hand to his room and then tell her to open her eyes to see it clean. He would say "My gift to you Mom!" He knew the ways to his Mom's heart!

Kai always wanted to be close to us, touching us in one way or another. When we said prayers he always wanted to be the little monkey in the middle of our circle, sided up to Kathryn, or touching one of his siblings with his head or foot. Kai was our baby- the caboose to our family. 

He could be mischievous. He got upset when he didn't do things just right and would throw whatever it was that he couldn't master. Shoes would fly when he couldn't tie the laces. Bionicles would go airborne when they wouldn't cooperate. But he was so easy to be entreated. All it took was someone to help him and he quickly mastered that which only minutes before had tried him. 

Kai loved his brothers and sister. Noah was his best friend. He wanted to do everything Noah did and "Kai, stop copying me!" was a constant refrain. But just as often we would find Kai and Noah playing so happily in Noah's room with Legos, or sitting on the couch together watching TV. They were partners in crime. 

Kirstin and Kai shared a special relationship. Kirstin is Momma's helper. She would play quietly with Kai in church, and have him sip on her lap as often as she could get him to. She would get the little boys to go along with all her schemes and they would do so willingly. He loved his big sister and she loves Kai more than her heart can hold.

Emil Michael has always been the oldest and as such all the kids look up to him. He has such a gentle and loving spirit and would be so tolerant and patient with Kai and Noah. Just Saturday morning he had spent the whole morning playing with him. 

We have learned so much from our children about how to be parents, and we have so much more to learn from them. We've learned what it meant to put away selfish desires and to spend time with our children, regardless of what we want to do. We've learned that patience and long-suffering in raising our children with humility will teach them, and teach us to love as our Heavenly Father loves us. We've learned that saying sorry to your children when we've misbehaved is beautiful, peaceful, and redeeming. To be forgiven by our children teaches us true love. 

The tears we have shed over the past few days and the tears we will shed in the days to come are not for our son. We know that he sits on the right hand of the Father, clothed in glory with joy in his heart that he is home and free from this earthly burden. We know that he might have a small amount of sorrow in seeing his family and friends grieve for our loss at this time, but overwhelmingly, we know that he is joyful and happy. What a blessing to be received into heaven before the age of accountability, and to be exalted to his own throne beside God and Jesus Christ. He knew the great plan of salvation that our Heavenly Father has provided for each of us- he has been taught this in his home. He wants each of us to return with honor form our own missions on earth and to be wrapped in his loving arms when each of our times have come. 

This knowledge of the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ is what comforts and consoles us, our family, and our friends. Each of your prayers and support have helped us to grieve the way that we need to grieve, but also to slowly replace our grief with hope and charity. A close friend asked Emil, "What will you change in your life?" Emil has pondered upon this question over the last several days, and has decided that there are some things that need to change. We need to never- never- take for granted every minute- every second that we get to spend with our children while we are together. We need to serve our brothers and sisters to the best of our ability, and then to pray for strength from our Heavenly Father to serve them even better. And we need to live our lives by the teachings of our Savior, so that we can be worthy to enter the kingdom of heaven, and be with our son and all of our family once again. 

With deepest sincerity, we thank each of you for helping us during this trial of our lives, and we hope and pray that each of you will love your children, love your family, and all of your special ones in your lives the way we love our Kai. And we share these special feelings in our hearts in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen" 

Changes

It's been two weeks since Kai died. We've been through such a range of emotions.  So many feelings. I've been so touched by the outpouring of love and compassion from literally everyone. I have come to know more completely of our Heavenly Father's love for us, that everything happens for a purpose and that we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. (Philipians 4:13)

Overall I feel strong most of the time. There are dark moments, yearnings for Kai that are hard to bear but these last for a short while before I am able to remember his smiling face or something cute we would do together and the moment of sorrow turns sweet. I know that this strength is in large part because of the many prayers that continue to be offered on our behalf. I also feel that certain beliefs I have always had have been gifts from my Heavenly Father to give me the strength I would need at this time. I hope that we can be of help to others looking for the peace that the gospel brings and that I can help others see death as a necessary step in our journey to eternal progression. 

I have enjoyed reading The Birth We Call Death. In it are many quotes that have spoken to me. I'll list one a post so you can ponder them at your own speed. The first is one by

 Henry Ward Beecher 

"There are many trials in life which do not seem to come from unwisdom or folly; they are silver arrows shot from the bow of God, and fixed inextricably in the quivering heart--they are meant to be borne--they were not meant, like snow or water, to melt as soon as they strike; but the moment an ill can be patiently borne it is disarmed of its poison, though not of its pain."

I've learned that we will all be touched by death at some time or another in our lives. Like many choices we make in life, how we choose to deal with that experience can help us to grow and change in ways that are good or withdraw and retard our growth sometimes even regressing it. 

The children are strong and continue to amaze me. Kirstin and Emil Michael have been strengthened by their friends and this has been a great comfort to Emil and I as parents. We have been most concerned for Noah. He and Kai spent so much time together and we felt that he would feel Kai's absence the hardest of the children. Because of that we decided to get him a dog. It was a long week of applications, vet visits and waiting but today we were able to pick up Blaze and bring her home.

She is a sweet Lab/Setter/Husky/Blue Tick mix. Very gentle and clumsy. When she sits on the tile her rear slides out from under her and she ends up laying spread eagle on the floor. Noah is enamored and I think it will be a really good fit.

We love you all and are so grateful for all you have done for us these past two weeks. Thank you for loving us and serving us so well.

Spring Break

This week was Spring Break and we had a very busy time of it. Emil and Emil M. went hiking on the AT for 3 days and 30 miles with a group of about 10. They left mid-day Wednesday and got back late Saturday night. They had lots of fun and took a load of pictures but I haven't uploaded any on my computer so you'll have to wait on another blog for those.

I have been happily working in my flower beds and it's beginning to pay off. The Azaleas are blooming and pollen is in the air but it is so beautiful and green right now! I love this time of year when everything comes alive again.

This is the side garden. I love the phlox that is a flowering ground cover. I've had a hard time getting it started but once it's rooted it's pretty solid.

The front two flower beds that we put in last fall are doing well and I transplanted two fruit trees I bought last year in them. The only problem is, I can't remember what kind of fruit trees I bought ( I bought several by mail and only two survived). I'm pretty sure you have to have two of the same kind to cross pollinate and the two I planted aren't the same kind so now I have to figure out what I have so I can buy mates. I guess I won't get any fruit this year. I think they're too small anyway.

We had the cousins (Michael and Autumn) come over on Thursday and spend the night. It was a fun time. Michael, Noah and Kai had a ball running around outside and biking to the clubhouse.

 Kirstin and Autumn biked to the little thrift shop just up the road and found some good buys. I also taught Autumn to make Lumpia. She was going to make it for her family on Sunday. 

Saturday we took a trip to the beach. It was very chilly to start out but warmed up later. Kai had a blast. But my camera kept telling me the batteries were out so I didn't get to take as many pictures as I would have liked. We hiked up Jockeys Ridge and had a fun time running, rolling or walking down. We were a very sandy bunch coming home but it was nice to be out in the sun and smell the salt air.

The Elusive Easter Bunny

So this weekend Kai was really excited for the Easter Bunny to come. He was talking about catching him and taking a picture of him all week so when I was putting him to bed last night he had formed a plan of attack. 

For every excuse I would give he had a answer. I said that we couldn't catch him because we didn't know when he would come. Kai's reply was "The Easter Bunny comes in the middle of the night. You just have to stay up until the middle of the night." Then I said "Well I don't want to scare him, He might not leave our baskets if he sees me waiting with the camera" Kai stood behind the front door and said "You just stand right here and when he comes in the door you take the picture." He was so serious and excited about it I had to do something.

Emil was performing in our Stake Easter Concert last night and so when he got home at around 10:45 I enlisted his help. We took one of the stuffed bunnies I had used for decoration in years past and practiced trying to get nondescript pictures of it in the dark. 

It was a lot harder than it sounds. Finally the method we found most successful was to sit in the dark and I would snap a picture of the hall and Emil would throw the bunny in at the last minute while the picture was flashing. We got a lot of levitating bunny pictures and some of the bunny crashing into the wall (we were laughing so hard we were crying. I think that a lot of it was due to the fact that we were so tired.)  Finally we got two out of about 20 that we thought were good enough. The first is the Easter Bunny hopping. Remember the idea was to be nondescript in a Sasquatch way....

The next picture was of him peeking from around the corner. 

Kai totally bought it but that stinker Noah was like "That's not the Easter Bunny! I've seen that stuffed animal last Easter".... and on and on. Thankfully I had Kirstin and Emil M. on my side and we were able to turn the tide. 

This next week is our Easter Break. I'm really looking forward to it. 

Long Time, No See

Has it really been almost a month? OK we'll let me catch you up on life here. On March 22nd Noah celebrated his birthday. He turned 9! We had a family birthday party and then just last weekend he had a sleepover with some friends.

When I asked him what he had planned he said that he was going to play Wii, watch movies and then, after I went to bed...... read in the dark!!!!! Shocking, it's true. ( I'm glad my kids love to read.) Actually he ended up staying up to about midnight watching a Discovery DVD we have. Colton, one of his friends that came is a real nature lover. They also looked at strands of their hair as well as rabbit and cat hair under a microscope that came with a kids CSI type kit that his Auntie Maria got him for his birthday. They loved that. (It was actually pretty interesting!)

At the beginning of the month Kirstin's Battle of the Books team had their competition with the other middle school in the county. They we ahead the entire competition until the last two rounds and then they lost by about 8 points. It was the same last year. However they were competing with only 4 students and the other team had 10 or something like that. Oh well, there's always next year.

She also made the middle school softball team. They have practice every day and she's been very excited to be on the team even if she's not playing much. After a rocky start they have had three consecutive wins and that has done a lot to boost team moral. I have to confess at this point that I am not a sports mom. I don't much care for sports but I try to be at most of the games and not get too impatient. The other day they had just started playing and I asked the simple question of how many innings there were in the middle school games. Emil gave me the dirtiest look, like he could actually read my mind and knew I was wondering exactly how long I would have to be there. In my own defense, it has been cold here. OK, maybe not as cold as Sheila at 30 degrees but I am as to cold as Sheila is to the heat. I do not do well when I am cold. So that's all I'm saying about sports. 

Well maybe that's not all I am saying about sports because Noah's playing soccer again so now I have to say more. The thing I love about Noah's soccer games? They are timed games. 1 hour max. Love it! He's only had one game this far and the season is relatively short. Plus his coach is also a 3rd grade teacher at his school and I love her! She always cancels practice if it's raining or cold. That way none of the kids are out in the weather getting sick. So I guess there are things I like about sports.

I have been out in the yard a few days enjoying some gardening. My next door neighbor offered to let me have some of his plants and trees that he didn't want crowding his flower gardens around his house so I was able to get a Japanese Maple tree, a Camilla bush, some Azaleas and several other shrubs and bushes. I do love the return of spring and getting my hands in the soil. All the Cherry trees are in full bloom and the world is so beautiful. How can anyone look at all the daffodils blooming and not feel happy?

On another note, we bought a third car for the kids. It is a Ford Tempo, 1994 with 98,000 miles on it. It only cost us $1100 and works great. It was garage kept and Emil and I feel so blessed to have found it at this opportune time. Emil M. will get his permanent license this summer and it will be a big help.

That's about all the news from this part of the world. I hope spring is showing it's face in your part of the world. I remember Mom always had Johnny Jump ups in her flower bed so now I always have them in mine and I think of Mom.  Happy Spring!