How I'm Doing, Really

I thought I'd do a blog for all of you that are or have been

worried/thinking about us/praying for us.

As we approach the year mark of Kai's death there a few things I'd like to say.

Emil and I talked about it and we don't want to mark this day or do anything special to set it apart. It's a date we can't help but acknowledge but the difference in missing our little boy is no stronger on April 25th than on April 14th. Wether he is gone today or in ten years he will still be away from us. What matters to us is when we will see him again. Since we don't have it in our power to know when that will be, we will wait patiently, sometimes not so patiently, on the Lord's time.

The Easter/Spring Break time was a little hard for me as I couldn't help but recall staging the notorious Easter Bunny photos (see last years Easter blog)

as well as the beach trip I took with the kids to the beach over Spring Break last year. Kai had a blast playing in the break with a little boat we got for him and for the next couple of weeks he asked every couple of days if we could go back to the beach.

Emil hiked the same trail we had taken the family on (see Our Own Trail of Tears Blog) when he went with the scouts over the break so naturally his thoughts were turned to when we had done that with Kai. We each got trail names and Kai was such a Trooper on the hike, carrying his pack with his clothes and sleeping pad that became his trail name, Trooper.

These remembrances, though vivid are not abnormal for us. I think of Kai, literally, everyday. Sometimes more in depth and contemplative but always daily. I think it's the same for all of us.

I feel our family is moving on well. Moving on is a necessary process and I think we all understand that. By doing so it doesn't mean we forget but we accept our situation and try to continue to find happiness and beauty in our lives we are living now. Our abiding hope and comfort remains the same it has been through this entire experience, that we will see Kai again some day and the knowledge that we are sealed in the temple, never to be separated in eternity. The Lord continues to comfort us in our every need.

I want to say Thanks all of you who have tirelessly prayed on our behalf. I know it has made a difference. Thank you for your kind gestures and words. I have felt our Saviors love through you. Our blessings far outweigh our hardships. Until we meet again....

I know I should have totally done a really sweet baby picture but c'mon. He was a 6 year old boy!